What Do You Actually Think?

A simple framework for forming a point of view instead of borrowing one

When I was a Founder/CEO, I had opinions about everything. Not because I was always right, but because there was no one else to defer to. The decision was mine whether I liked it or not. So I learned to take in information, form a view, and move. Worst case, I was wrong and I learned. Some of my best lessons came from rash decisions and honest mistakes.

Then I sold my company, became an employee, and something shifted.

I started scanning rooms before I spoke. Not for information, but for authority. Was this my call? Had the decision already been made? Would my perspective add something or just create noise? Was it worth the effort of participation?

I didn’t stop having opinions. I stopped offering them. And after enough time, the muscle weakened. I’d research for hours and still feel fuzzy on what I actually thought. The instinct to collect before committing felt responsible and also safe. But it was keeping me stuck.

And not just at work. I noticed the same pattern creeping into the rest of my life — I’d message my husband with an article, asking for his opinion without having fully formed my own. Decisions about my kids where I’d poll three friends before trusting my own judgment. Small things, like where to go on vacation or whether to start this newsletter, got routed through other people’s opinions before I checked my own — opinions from people I didn’t even know, loudly shared through social media platforms.

Seeing this behavior in others was actually what made me address it in myself. I expect a point of view from my employees, and I appreciate one from my friends and family. Here’s how I think about it now: gathering information and forming a point of view are two separate acts. Most of us are very good at the first one. With AI, research takes mere minutes. The second one takes practice.

This is a protocol for the second one. Use it when you notice yourself researching, polling, or “still thinking about” something longer than it deserves.

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Step 1: Get specific.

Vague questions stay unanswered. “Figure out a new marketing strategy” can stay in research mode forever. “Do I want to increase our influencer budget next quarter?” has an answer. So does “Am I going to sign up for that course I’ve been researching for three months?” Shrink it down until it’s specific enough to have a yes or a no, a this or a that.

Step 2: Separate what you know from what you’re borrowing.

You’ve probably already collected plenty of inputs — from colleagues, friends, articles, Instagram, AI. Set those aside for a moment. What do you think, based on what you’ve lived, seen, and learned? Not what’s smartest or most trendy or easiest to defend. What’s your actual opinion on this?

Step 3: Say it in one sentence.

“I think we should do X because Y.” Or: “I want X because Y.” That’s it. No preamble, no hedge, no “I could be wrong but...” You can add nuance later. But the sentence comes first.

Step 4: Pressure-test the fear, not the opinion.

If you’re hesitating to say it out loud — to your team, your partner, yourself — ask what you’re actually afraid of. Being wrong? Being judged? Creating conflict? Wanting something that disrupts the current arrangement?

Name the specific fear. Then ask: what’s the most likely outcome if I say this? Not the catastrophic version. The realistic one.

Most of the time, the realistic outcome is manageable. Someone disagrees. A conversation gets more interesting. You learn something you needed to know. The fear almost always overstates the cost.

Step 5: Hold the opinion loosely.

Having a point of view doesn’t mean locking in. The best opinions are formed from the best information available at the time — your research, your experience, your instincts — but they stay open to new input. Say what you think clearly. Then stay curious. If better information shows up, let the opinion evolve. That’s not weakness. That’s how good thinking actually works.

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Try this once this week. Pick one thing you've been circling — a question at work, a conversation at home, something sitting in your own head. Run the five steps. See what comes out.